I failed…

Well, I did. I am now on my way home from Iceland and I didn't write a word while I was gone.

Not only that, I totally forgot that I had written a post after I found out that Mom was dying. So I just wrote this enormous post about it, much of which recaps what I had already written. How could I forget that?? So, I'm going to edit the long post, taking out all my duplications. Duh.

So, I wrote the other post on Thursday, July 27th. They called me that night, saying that her death would be soon, and then she didn't die! Stubborn thing. On Saturday night, July 29th, she died peacefully. I was both upset and relieved. She would have hated living the way she has been, absolutely hated it! I was also relieved that she didn't outlive her money. I had enough money from the sale of her house to keep her at Regency until mid-2025. (She had a good retirement income, by the way, taking home about $4,000 a month! But Regency cost $6,900 a month!) After that, she would have had to move to somewhere that would take Medicaid, and moving a dementia patient is almost a death sentence. I had been convinced that she would live to 99.

Before Mom's death, I had called another of Mom's friends (another teacher), one who had been the most faithful visitor once Mom moved to Regency, visiting every week when she could. She told me I needed to publish an obituary, as Mom had so many students and friends who should know. So, midweek, I wrote an obituary and asked Allison to edit it and see what else it needed. Allison did a great job, correcting some errors and added Mom's affinity for large black dogs.

Mom donated her body, so I just had to do some paperwork to get that taken care of. I was surprised to find out that, although Mom had done the paperwork for the donation many years ago and it was absolutely what she wanted, my brothers and I still had to sign off on the donation for them to accept her. I think that is a poor policy, but that's what it is. One of my brothers actually didn't like the idea, but signed off on it anyway. (I didn't need to use my club, which would have been that he would have to pay for other arrangements out of his share of the remaining money.)

Jake and I went to Fishersville and met Don for lunch, then the three of us cleaned out Mom's room. It was really just clothing and linens. We bagged up the clothing for donation (except I gave the new cardigans to Kelly's mother), and left the linens and Mom's coloring books and markers to be used by other residents.

One thing: I did not go back up the week she was dying. I do have a small sense of guilt about that, but I really wanted my last memories of her to be of her saying I love you to me. Maybe I should have gone, but that is the choice I made. Actually, I think Mom would have been fine with that, now that I think about it.

I do not have any guilt about feeling relieved that she is dead. As I said, she would have hated what she became, and, in most ways, I mourned her in 2020 and 2021, as dementia took hold of her mind. And, as I said, I'm so glad that she didn't run out of money. I had been stressing about that ever since I put her in the memory care unit, and it's such a relief to know that she got to stay in Regency to the end, where they took such good care of her. It was also nice to surprise my brothers with the news that we would all get some money from her. Neither of them knew that there was any money left. And Mom always said that her house would be her legacy to us, so she'd be happy to know that we got something in the end. (Mine is probably going to be used for travel! Big surprise there, huh!) I already took a large part of the money out of the saving account and split it between us. The rest will have to wait until all the paperwork and final bills are paid. Fortunately, there is not too much to deal with, just social security, retirement funds, and insurance. By the way, obituaries are expensive! They've got a racket going! That short obit above, with no picture, in print for one day, was $280! Money aside, I was so very glad that I had written the obituary and some personal comments several days ahead of her death. I don't know if I could have done it right after she died.

Oh, one more thing. I posted the obituary and some personal comments on Mom's Facebook page, and I heard from so many people. Her friends, of course, but so many former students and people that she had tutored. Quite a few of them were people that Mom taught when she taught 6th grade, and that was many decades ago, probably in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Those "kids" are now in their 50s and they remember Mom. (I haven't got a clue who my 6th grade teacher was.) It was touching that so many students wrote about what a huge influence she had been on them.

I didn't mean to write so much about this, but I guess I needed to get it out. The next post will recap my Iceland adventures!